


Soldier

by fizzygingr



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, Winter Blueberry AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6688372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzygingr/pseuds/fizzygingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't be called Ezra anymore; that much he knows. But he has to be called something.</p>
<p>A discussion of names and identity between Ezra and Kanan.</p>
<p>Part of the Winter Blueberry AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soldier

He heard footsteps coming up behind him, and a voice.

“We’ve been looking for you, Ezra.”

“Don’t call me that,” he said, without looking up from his hands.

He expected to hear a protest, but instead he got a question.

“What do you want to be called, then?”

He kept gazing at his hands. He had no response.

“Do you…do you want us to call you what they called you?” the man offered helpfully.

“They didn’t call me anything,” he said. “They only addressed me as ‘soldier.’” He shrugged. “You can call me that, too, I guess. It’s accurate.”

“Soldier,” the man said, and he said it with such tenderness that he, the soldier, flinched. “do you remember my name?”

He hated that he had to think about it. “You were my master. Kanan. Kanan Jarrus.”

Kanan took a seat beside him. “And did you know that wasn’t always my name?”

“I wondered.”

“After the Jedi fell,” he said, “I changed it to protect myself…in more ways than one.”

“You mean you didn’t want to be him anymore.”

“Caleb,” Kanan said, and his face twisted slightly as though in pain. “That was my name, Caleb Dume. And I didn’t want anything to do with him. In fact, I did everything in my power to kill him." He sighed, then went on. "Caleb was an idealist, Soldier, he believed in something. And I didn’t, not for a long time. So I didn’t want to think about…well…”

“What he would have thought of you,” he finished.

“Right,” said Kanan. “He wouldn’t have liked who he’d become.”

“But you failed? To kill him?”

“Thankfully, I did. All I could do was keep him in a box until I was ready to let him out.”

“And you did let him out?”

“I did.”

“So why didn’t you change your name back?”

“Because Kanan wasn’t all bad,” he said, laughing weakly. “There were pieces of him I held onto, and pieces I left behind. And because..." Kanan began. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and then opened it again. “...because I couldn’t kill Kanan Jarrus, any more than I could go back to being Caleb Dume. I’m both, and I’m neither.”

“So I can’t…” he began, desperation in his voice, “…I can’t kill the Soldier?”

Kanan sighed. “You can’t undo what happened. You can’t go back. But what you can choose to do is move forward and leave him behind.”

“It won’t be easy.” “No,” said Kanan simply.

“It won’t be. But we’ll be here.”

_We'll be here, Soldier_ , he expected to hear, but Kanan didn't say it.  _We'll be here, Ezra_ , he wanted to hear, but knew he wasn't ready to ask. He would ask to be called that, in time, but he didn't know how much time it would be.

For now, there was the silence, the in-between.


End file.
